“You know…I didn’t need your hug,” Louis said.
He stood at Julia’s desk the day after almost hitting a little girl, alone in a busy intersection near work, a kitchen store in Baltimore. He no longer wanted to think about the girl being alone or what would have happened if his truck crashed into her. But he did remember Julia hugging him when he teared up and feeling like a fool afterwards.
Julia looked surprised at his words. She had a pencil behind her ear, her hair in a bun and her glasses perched at the end of her nose. Piles of accounting papers laid on her desk. She looked down and shaped them into a more organized pile before replying. Louis liked how she took time to think before speaking.
“Oh, I know you didn’t need a hug. It was a just-in-case-you-needed-it hug.” She continued organizing the papers into one pile and looked away from him again.
“Well, it was a good hug—maybe even the right kind of hug. I just don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I know I’m good with the ladies and all, but I wasn’t flirting with you. Besides, you and me—we don’t flirt. We’re friends.”
“I know. It was a friendly hug. That’s all.” Julia straightened the pile of papers a bit more. She held them upright and tapped them on her desktop to align them. Her face looked red, but Louis figured it was her make-up. Anyway, he had another delivery of kitchenware to take to some customers, and she had plenty of work to do.
“I’ll let you do your work,” he said. But then the feeling budding inside of him, a longing to be with her, pushed him to say, “How about we meet at Sam’s after work today?”
“Sam’s?”
“Yeah, Sam’s.”
“Is that the happy hour place everyone goes to?”
Hmm, he realized she had never been there with their co-workers. It now sported a 1980’s look with neon lights and hot pink walls. That’s where he kissed Violet, his ex-wife, for the first time after a couple of drinks. He should have realized she was an alcoholic then as she downed five drinks in twenty minutes and her speech slurred. Still, he had loved her, and the divorce hurt.
Maybe he had made a mistake inviting Julia to happy hour. She struck him as straight and unlikely to drink beer or alcohol of any kind. He doubted his feelings for her as he saw her as his opposite—non-flirtatious, spacey, modest to a fault and raised to be a good sort of girl. No family troubles he knew of, unlike his, though she had been married once. He didn’t know if she had children.
She waited for an answer and took the pencil out from behind her ear and twiddled it between her thumb and forefinger. This time he noticed her cheeks had flushed a brighter red, and it couldn’t be the make-up. He liked the power of getting a lady to blush but for some unclear reason, he didn’t want to have this power over Julia. He wanted something different, different from all his flirtations and brief affairs and different from his marriage to Violet.
“Yeah, Sam’s is the happy hour place. But if it’s not your thing, forget it.”
“It’s not my thing, but I’ll go if my mother can stay longer with my daughter, Madge.”
“You have a daughter? You never told me about her.”
“You never asked me if I had children.”
“True. Well, let me know about Sam’s. If not tonight, maybe tomorrow?” His feelings for her ached inside of him.
“Sure. I’ll let you know.”
Later that afternoon, Louis drove back to the store. Outside, the sun appeared lower in the sky, ready to set. Louis had the heat on in his car as the weather still hadn’t warmed up despite it being early April. He listened to Dolly Parton singing “Jolene” on the radio and wondered if Julia would be able to meet up with him. Today, she had looked nervous as they talked, and he had noticed her looks more than usual. She had a full figure but always dressed modestly—her blouse fully buttoned and her skirts or pants loose rather than emphasizing her curves. He recalled the feel of her body when she hugged him, and it surprised him. After the hug, her glasses had fallen off and he noticed how her eyes were multicolored, a green and brown mix. But mostly he had felt her kindness towards him. Of course, he couldn’t really like her. He was too common for her despite his skills with the ladies. And his family life too screwed up—his mother abandoning him though she had recovered from her substance abuse.
As he drove closer to the store, he saw a flock of pigeons fly onto a tree, its branches swaying from the weight. A bus drove next to him, and the hum of its motor drowned out the music on his radio. People waited at a nearby bus stop to return home. He pulled into the parking lot and walked into the building to see if Julia could go out with him. To his surprise his heart had picked up speed as had his breathing. He felt like a different Louis, someone tired of being alone after losing Violet.
He spied Julia still sitting at her desk and writing in her ledger as he approached. Her head bent over the paperwork, and she seemed oblivious to the noise in the store, cash registers pinging, customers talking to salespeople and quiet music playing overhead. Somehow, she could focus on her work though she’d been asking the owner for a promotion and her own office for several months now.
“Well, can you go?” he said once she heard his shoes scraping the floor and looked up at him.
“Yes, I can but only for a short time. My mom needs to get home to serve dinner to my dad and sister.”
“You have a sister?”
“Yup. She’s eighteen and isn’t sure she wants to go to college.”
“She’s lucky to have you for a sister.” Louis meant it. Usually, he’d flatter the ladies, but he knew Julia would recognize any insincerity. She could be awkward, but she seemed to intuit others’ feelings easily.
“She’s lucky now but when she was born, I resented her, being so much older than her.”
“Do you have other brothers and sisters?”
“No, just her.”
“So, you had your mom and dad all to yourself until then.”
“Yup, until then. But she grew on me, and I became a mother to her. Besides, she has a great sense of humor and is good with Madge.”
“You two are lucky having both parents. I’ve already told you how my mom got wasted on drugs and left me.” He found it easy to talk to Julia.
“You’re still angry with her.”
“Yeah, guess it’s obvious.” Louis paused after replying. His shoulders and chest had tightened. He wanted to get to Sam’s and get a drink. “Let’s leave ASAP. You only have a short time.”
“Okay.” Julia grabbed her coat from her chair, and he zipped up his jacket as they both headed to Sam’s, a few blocks away.
By now the sun had almost reached the horizon and a swath of pink clouds surrounded its descent. Pigeons cooed on the sidewalk as the two of them traipsed by. The hum of traffic picked up as they chatted about spring coming and the snow lilies and daffodils emerging early.
At Sam’s, they took two seats at a table. They had to shout to hear each other due to the din of people crowded at the bar and at tables nearby for happy hour. People sat in groups, some already inebriated. Louis glanced at Julia. She looked pale, even alarmed after ordering a seltzer, while he ordered a beer. She kept looking at her watch while taking sips of the seltzer after it arrived. He tried to strike up a conversation, but she couldn’t hear him and looked flustered. Before he could finish his beer, she said she had to go. She worried Madge missed her and said she better go home. Louis stood up to say good-by and then decided to finish his beer after she left.
He wondered why he’d invited her out and why to Sam’s. He didn’t want to leave the crowd and face his apartment, undecorated and lacking charm, where he’d be alone once again. He took his time finishing his beer. Just as he was about to leave, a crew of staff from the store arrived. Several of the prettier and newly employed saleswomen accompanied two younger men, the sons of the store’s owner. One of them slapped Louis on the back when he spied him and invited him to join them. Louis ordered another beer and another and flirted with Renee and Miranda, both in their twenties. Renee had long eyelashes and light blue eyes while Miranda had long black hair she kept flipping over her shoulders and a low-cut blouse showing off her cleavage. He spent another two hours with them, enjoying the sensation of being the Louis he knew so well, the one who charmed ladies like Renee and Miranda. All thoughts of Julia left him.
On his way home, driving in the dark, he dreaded being home alone despite being intoxicated. His thoughts drifted back to Julia and how he had failed to grab her attention. With Violet the attraction had been immediate. He only learned later, after two children and dealing with her alcoholism, that she had fallen out of love with him. He doubted someone like Julia would ever love him or that he’d know how to love her. Then again, he couldn’t name his feelings towards her or understand them.
The next day, dark clouds rolled across the sky and covered the sun as Louis crept along in heavy traffic carrying merchandise for the store. He pulled over onto a side street to sip his coffee and wake himself up after his night of drinking. As he remembered his behavior towards Julia the night before, his hand trembled and he spilled some coffee on his pants. He cursed as he felt its heat on his thigh, and then the rain hit his windshield. Its noise aggravated his pounding headache. He regretted the drinking, flirting, and taking Julia to the bar. He spiraled into negative thinking—he’d never find a partner again, keep choosing the wrong women or treat the right women poorly. Julia would never forgive him for last night and what if she saw how hungover he was or if their co-workers joked about his behavior last night and she overheard. And on and on. He turned on the radio to listen to music and quiet his thoughts. He pulled the van back onto the road and drove through the pounding rain to the store.
As he entered the store, he greeted Miranda and Renee. They stood together by the registers waiting for customers and laughing. When he passed by, they threw him kisses and smiled and then remarked on what a night they all had had. He wondered if Julia could hear them so smiled and rushed by rather than flirt back as he usually did. They both stared at him. Miranda put her hand on her hip and frowned while Renee glared at him as he tried to pass by. She grabbed his arm and stopped him.
“Louis, what the heck. Didn’t we have a grand ole time, lover boy?” She wouldn’t let go of his arm and tightened her hand around it, almost hurting him. Other customers and salespeople in the store overheard her and looked over to see what was happening. Louis could see Julia glancing over as well but hoped she sat too far away to hear much. He knew he’d better say something to Renee.
“Yes—a grand ole time with the ladies,” he said after lowering his voice to almost a whisper. “Gotta unload the merchandise ladies.” Renee let go of his arm. He escaped to the back of the warehouse where he emptied his truck.
Boy did he wish Julia had already been given her own office, he thought, as he wandered back into the store. When he saw a little girl sitting on the floor in front of Julia’s desk, he stopped. Dolls, puzzles, and books surrounded her. He drew closer and watched her intent gaze as she traced a paper doll and colored in clothes for the doll. She glanced at him, and her brown curls danced around her shoulders—petit, skinny, and green and brown eyed like her mom. He wondered if she’d need glasses, too. Julia stared at her paperwork and bit her lip. Usually, she’d say hello but not today.
He approached the little girl and said, “You must be Julia’s little girl, Madge.”
Madge nodded her head ‘yes,’ and held up the clothes she had designed. He bent down to admire them and smiled at her. “I have a daughter, too, and a son. Natalie loved paper dolls.” Madge nodded her head at him, but Julia kept busy not even acknowledging his conversation with her daughter. Something didn’t feel right.
“Julia, is something wrong? I’m sorry about last night. It was a mistake to go to Sam’s.”
She looked up for a moment and muttered “I guess so,” but didn’t say more. Instead, she told Madge to come with her for lunch and they both left him there upset. He didn’t think Julia would ignore him. After all, they were friends, and she often went out of her way to be polite even if miffed. And then he wondered if Miranda and Renee had said something about him to Julia.
He marched back to Miranda and Renee, both busy with several customers at the two registers. He stood at the end of the shorter line and tapped his foot on the wood floor. The sound annoyed the customer in front of him who turned around, stared at his foot, and frowned at him. He forced himself to stop but then noticed he had been holding his breath so let it out and took in another breath. The customer moved away from him, and he wondered if his breath smelled of alcohol. He hadn’t had so many drinks in a long time or experienced a hangover headache like he had now.
Miranda finished with the first customer and then the second. Renee had almost rung up her last customer. He moved closer to the registers, nose to nose with Miranda and an arm’s length from Renee, debating what to say. After a long, tense pause in which Miranda flipped her hair over her shoulders several times and looked at him and then away and Renee pursed her perfect lips and tapped her forefinger on a register key, he spoke up.
“Something’s awry—Julia and I are friends and today she’s ignoring me. Did either of you, by any chance, say anything to her about our night last night, anything?” He kept his voice low and glanced around to make sure no one stood nearby.
They looked at each other and giggled and then looked back at Louis who wanted to shake them but instead, he waited. Miranda wrapped her long hair around her fingers and opened her mouth, but Renee beat her to it.
“Well before you came in, we were laughing and giggling about last night as Julia arrived with Madge. She overheard us mention Sam’s and then your name, so she stopped at the register and told us she had been there earlier in the night with you for a sort of date. We must have looked flabbergasted as she stepped back from us and froze for a moment. Why would you go out with that mousy thing anyway, Louis?”
“I guess I like ‘mousy,’” he said. He forced his voice to stay quiet. “What did you tell her? Come on.” He stepped closer to Renee almost stepping on her high heels, but she pushed him away before continuing.
“I just said what fun you were—that we invited you over when we saw you all alone.”
Louis almost raised his voice to get more out of her, but Miranda piped up.
“Well, we did talk about what a ladies’ man you are—so charming—and how we figured your wife left you because you cheated on her. Funny, Julia’s face crumpled after that, and she left without another word; Her little girl dropped some of her toys as she rushed to follow her. I took them over to her, but Julia didn’t even look up at me.”
Louis could feel himself losing control over his voice and his face reddening. He wanted to shout at them to stop spreading rumors but instead, his hands and arms started to shake, and he couldn’t speak.
“What’s wrong?” Miranda and Renee both asked, and each took one of his arms to steady him. At least they seemed to care about him, but they had no idea of the truth about his marriage. They started working at the store after Violet separated from him and had not witnessed her being intoxicated in the store parking lot several years ago. How humiliating for him but this rumor about him, even more humiliating. He let them steady him until his arms relaxed and then he pulled himself upright and inhaled several times before deciding to find Julia. He left the two women standing there, their mouths agape as he went to the lunchroom to search for Julia.
Before the entrance to the warehouse, a large room with a microwave and refrigerator had been converted into a lunch area. Often, he and Julia would sit back there for lunch and chat sometimes with other co-workers, but when he checked the room, no one sat there. Someone had left the door to the outside open and a breeze blew in, a warmer one then the day before. He walked outside and the sun blinded him; the rain had stopped long ago. Once he could see again, he spied Julia sitting at a picnic table and Madge playing on a nearby swing. Julia munched on a sandwich and had put on her sunglasses. She wore a sweater and pulled it tighter around herself as the breeze picked up. A row of daffodils swayed in the grass next to the swings, their yellow color almost as bright as the sun. Growing in a patch of grass near him were some wild purple flowers. He reached down and picked several of them to create a makeshift bouquet. Violet had loved flowers. He held them together in his hand and walked over to Julia who lifted her head when she saw him approach but he couldn’t see her eyes behind the sunglasses, only her dark oval frames and the light of the sun reflected in them.
He held out the bouquet to her. “Julia, I’m sorry for last night and for the girls joking about me being a ladies’ man. I can be a charmer, but I didn’t want to charm you. I like you too much. I’m tired of being alone and I like your company. Maybe if there’s a next time, we can go to a park or for a walk or anywhere other than Sam’s.”
Julia didn’t take the flowers, but she did remove her sunglasses and look at him. He could see the hurt in her eyes and the sadness in the firm line of her lips. “Julia, what hurt you last night?”
“They told me you deserted your wife—that you were unfaithful to her.” She stopped talking and checked to make sure Madge still played on the swing. She smiled to see her daughter pumping the swing higher with her legs and singing to herself. The smile left her lips when she turned back to Louis who still held the bouquet.
“How could you do that to your wife?”
“It’s not true. Miranda and Renee assumed it just because I can be a flirt and like women. You’ve seen me be that sort of guy at the store.”
“Yes, I have. But you’ve shown me your deeper side, the side of you I want to get to know more. Only, I can’t trust you if you had an affair.” She put her sunglasses back on and took out an apple, seeming to dismiss him.
Louis stayed in front of her after placing the flowers on the table and stammered as he said, “I promise you. I wasn’t unfaithful. My wife was an alcoholic and needed help and then when she sobered up, she told me she no longer loved me. It devastated me. So, I went back to my old ways. I flirted; I charmed, but I didn’t care about anyone until now. I think I care about you.”
Julia stopped chomping on her apple as he spoke and took off her sunglasses again. Without her glasses on, he could stare into her eyes and long to be with her. He waited for her to say something, anything.
“Madge’s father left me for another woman. I loved him, but I guess he loved the ladies more. After him, I vowed I’d never date anyone I didn’t trust so I felt like a fool after Miranda and Renee suggested you’d been unfaithful. I told myself I’d never talk to you again but now that you’re telling me what happened…” Louis picked up the bouquet and held it towards her. She stood up and took it from him as he came around the side of the table and embraced her, crushing the flowers between them, as they kissed for the first of many more times.
Dina Sokal, a child, adolescent, and adult psychiatrist, read fiction nonstop as a child and dreamed of being a writer. In May 2023, she received her M.A. in Creative Writing and Publishing from the University of Baltimore and self-published her first book of short stories, After the Rain, for her thesis—her dream of being a writer realized. Since then, she’s published two new stories based on the characters in After the Rain: “A Symphony of Sorts” can be found at https://www.griffel.no and “Henry’s Dilemma” can be found at SadGirlDiaries.com. Her hobbies are singing, running, water coloring, writing, and traveling to Los Angeles to spend time with her two granddaughters. Her stories derive from years of experience working as a psychiatrist and promote themes of hope and renewal.
Mountain Jay Books 